Having to Slow Down

Honestly, this week I’ve been so tired and busy that I haven’t really sat down to think about what I should write about. So I’m following my own advice and just putting words down until something clicks.

So here we go.

I’ve been trying to write new things more. Very shortly after a previous post about how well I was doing with my new writing schedule, I stopped following my writing schedule. I haven’t been very productive this last month and my self-imposed deadlines have gone out the window. Now I’m left with some bits and pieces of flash fiction and a few random poetry ideas that aren’t going anywhere.

I’ve got notes in my phone from the past month and who knows what other tidbits I’ve tossed around on my laptop. There’s a murder mystery idea (probably because I’ve been watching way too much Columbo and Murder She Wrote), one about a person getting a pet from a shelter (probably because of those kittens), one about video games (no clue really where that one came from), and several more. They all seem vaguely promising but at the same time I have no interest in writing them.

The worst part is that I was so proud of myself for getting into a great schedule. I felt like I was producing work and was moving along with my plans. Now I just feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time getting almost nothing done. Yeah, I’ve got those notes and some scattered thoughts but before I really felt like I was doing it. I was doing what I want to do with my life.

Now I feel like I’ve gone adrift again and I’m back at square one. This is pretty ridiculous though because if I really started listing things I accomplished since coming home then it would be a good amount of stuff, including starting this blog!

I feel like these last few months have just been insane ups and downs in my mood. One week I’m super psyched about writing everything I can then the next I don’t even open a document because I have zero interest in it. I have to build myself up to consistently working on things and it’s difficult to make yourself stop procrastinating. So I often choose the path of least resistance which is not how things get done.

So. I’m starting over. Sort of.

I’m setting new deadlines and goals for myself. All the old daily routines are out the window and not coming back. I’m going to start a little slower this time and build it up. Maybe I was just a bit too ambitious and optimistic before. Eh, not really. Although perhaps it was not my ambition with my time and ability but my thoughts that family and other responsibilities wouldn’t get in the way as much as they have.

Either way, I’m gonna be working on it. Not sure I’ll ever get my life completely in order but I can keep trying.

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