If they do, it probably means there’s something fundamentally wrong with the relationship.

I get really sick of Facebook posts about how “I may annoy you all the time and act like a brat but I will always love you!” No. Shut up. If someone annoys you all the time then they’re not a good fit for you. If you act like a brat all the time with someone and they put up with you then firstly, you don’t deserve them and secondly, they need to wake up and get away from you.

The first ‘best friend’ I ever had was a girl who constantly argued with me. We couldn’t spend more than a couple days together because we would end up in a shouting match about some stupid little thing. I thought we were friends, we talked about everything, we had fun together. But the relationship was poisonous. It was no good for me and I’m glad that the friendship ended when it did. When she decided to end the friendship (out of the blue, mind you, with a typed letter after ignoring my phone calls for over a week), I was devastated. She was my only friend at the time and I didn’t know what to do. Slowly, as I gained some distance from her, I realized how we had never gotten along.

I have a real best friend now and while we’ve had a few arguments over the course of our nearly 8yr friendship. They were never petty disagreements and we always worked it out between us quickly. I operate my friendships on the basis that nothing should ever simmer between us. If I get upset I let my anger cool and look at the situation to make sure it’s not just me. Then I address it as soon as I can. I never want resentment to enter into any of my friendships so talking about something as soon as it comes up is very important to me.

When I hear about people who argue with their best friends on a regular basis I have to really wonder why they’re friends at all. How can you get so angry with someone to have shouting matches on the regular but then act like everything is totally okay? How do you invest yourself into a person you know is going to piss you off by sundown? 

Friendship is about give and take and a mutual affection for each other. There’s always compromise but it should be something both can live with. If you argue with the person you consider your best friend more than once a month then you need to examine that friendship and figure out if it’s really healthy or not.

Relationships work because the people in them work. If that work is including a lot of anger and resentment then it’s not working for either of you. You’re both better off with less contact. Not everyone is going to clique and that’s okay. Getting away from someone can open up your time to find someone who really will be your friend. A bad friendship is like a weight around your neck, and it will keep you from letting go of resentment and anger that needs to be gone for you to cultivate healthy friendships.

I didn’t willingly get myself out of the bad friendship. I was lucky she dropped me before I wasted any more of my time on the relationship. Now that I know what a bad friendship looks like I can avoid them in favor of good ones. And I have plenty of good ones now.

 

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