I’ve already tried to write a post for this week about four times today. I’ve been sitting at my computer for over an hour, trying to get some thoughts out on the screen. I couldn’t figure out why I was having such trouble and now I think I’ve got it. I haven’t given this topic enough thought.
I’m deeply introspective and I care a lot about what I post on this blog. I want my posts to be well thought out and meaningful. I can’t do that when my brain hasn’t had time to process what I want to write about. Some topics I’ve posted are things I’ve pondered for weeks beforehand. I really want to get my thoughts in line, I want to know what I’m trying to say before I put it down for others to read. My favorite blog posts have been the ones I’ve mulled over, edited, and rewritten before posting.
Problem is, this week I only just came up with a topic and obviously it needs more thought because, as I said, I’ve already tried writing it a few times tonight.
I tend to think on a topic for at least a few days before I start putting anything too specific down for a post. Sometimes this is annoying. Like today. Because this topic (actually multiple topics that are kind of related, which is why I think I’m having trouble writing one post about it) came to me this afternoon. I haven’t had time to pick it apart and separate related ideas and get down to what I really think about all of it.
I was actually thinking a little about this last week. Someone came up to me the day after I posted and shared a few comments about what I had said. He brought up a good angle that I hadn’t seen before. In the moment, I didn’t know how to react because I thought his insight was really smart but I didn’t know how I felt about it. So I sort of just agreed and kind of repeated back what he had said. Then I got out of there as fast as I could because I wanted to think about it. If I was less introspective, I probably could’ve given a more coherent response in the moment. But, *sigh* I have to think really hard about everything.
Being put on the spot is nerve wracking. Don’t get me wrong, I love to hear what people think about what I post, in person or online I want to hear your reactions and insights. (I like to pretend there’s an understood, “What do you think?” at the end of all my posts.) Just don’t be surprised if I don’t respond right away or if I give you little more than a blank stare. It’s because you made me think about something that I hadn’t considered before and I need a moment to process it.
Even apart from my blog posts, there are countless moments in conversation where someone will put me on the spot and ask an opinion and I just go totally blank. I haven’t had time to come up with an opinion but now I need to share one? So I share what I can and often regret it, or go over my words a million times in my head afterwards because I probably sounded like an idiot or oh my gosh, that is not how I feel at all why did I even say that? But it’s too late because they think that’s how I feel and what I meant and it’s often difficult to change that in someone’s mind later on or they’ve already acted on what I said.
I try my best to not share my thoughts lightly. I want to be understood and I want to be as clear as I can be. I weigh everything against my past experiences and against what I believe. I want to align my opinions and thoughts with my values so that they are honest. Writing is a serious job for me. I do have fun with it but I also know that there’s a level of responsibility that comes along for the ride.
I know I can’t be the only one this happens to, what’s your experience when asked to share about something you haven’t adequately considered? Do you have a go to response? Please share it with me because I still haven’t figured out how to politely decline to tell someone how I feel before I have time to think on it.